This time I am reviewing one of the best books in the love and relationship field, it is called 5 love languages by Dr Gary Chapman. After having spent 30 years as a couple therapist, GARY Chapman recognized 5 ways in which people give and receive love. During these years helping couples to discover what their spouse desire in order to feel loved, He come to the conclusion that What makes one person feel loved doesn’t necessarily make the other person feel loved. GARY called these "dissimilarities" 5 love languages. I had heard of these so called 5 love languages way before but it was until I read the book that I got to understand them clearly and deeply. okaay.....The main idea of the book is that people speak different love languages. Let us take an example: if you talk in English to a person who only understands Kinyarwanda, even though English is the most popular language in the world, definitely this person will not understand you. You will have to learn their language in order to talk to them. According to GARY this is how love works, if you want to make someone feel loved you need to learn their primary love language. In this book Gary mentions how falling in love is different from the actual real love, according to the psychologist Elaine Hatfield there are two types of romantic love: passionate and compassionate love. Passionate love involves intense feelings, sexual attraction and of course dependency and anxiety, it is this kind of feeling you have when you fall in love and you don’t want it to stop. Instead of using your energy to grow, you put all your effort in keeping what you have. Truth be told, the flame will gradually die. This kind love can’t last forever. On the other hand, Compassionate love involves feelings of mutual respect, trust, and affection. It is slow built and it requires some hard work. Compassionate love can last forever, it is that kind of love happy married couples have. To get to this sustainable, healthy love that lasts we need to learn love languages.
There are five of them, 1.Words of affirmation: This is genuine and heartfelt verbal compliments or kind words, for eg: I love being in love with you, Thank you for looking after me, I love your new hair style, you look good in this suit or it could be as simple as saying I love you. For these people whose primary love language is words of affirmation: The meaning behind the compliments have a great significance. You can complement them when it is just the two of you, in front of people ( your friends for example) or when she/he is not around( eg: tell her father how brave you think your wife is, he will probably tell her and you will gain credits) Some people think it is not necessary to tell their partners how much they love them. In some communities, when a man provides everything necessary to support his wife... this is true love. It must be obvious that this man loves his wife. Love is measured in actions, but what they don’t realize is that for some people providing everything is not enough. They dream to be told kind words and compliments. This is where conflicts start, you feel like you are doing everything to make your partner happy but he/she is feeling unloved. why? because you are not communicating to them in their love language. 2.Quality time: "Two people sitting in the same room are in close proximity, but they are not necessarily together. Togetherness has to do with focused attention." To have a quality time with your partner means to give them undivided attention: turn off TV, put phone aside and listen to your partner. You can also schedule a date, a picnic or a walk. 3. Receiving gifts: you might think these people whose primary love language is gift are gold diggers! But no. the difference is they value more the effort and time invested in choosing gifts more than the actual gifts. And remember : !! don't be random in choosing gifts, it must carry a meaning, for example their favorite food or drink, something they have mentioned that they like or need, etc. This will show them how much you care. 4.Act of service: This is for people who thinks action speak louder than words. If you want to show love to them you will have to do things for them. It can be cooking for them, cleaning their house, doing the dishes… this can even have a deeper meaning when you do things you normally don’t feel conformable doing: it will prove to them how special they are. 5. Physical touch: In one way or another, physical touch is needed in an intimate relationship, but if your primary love language is Physical Touch, it can be even more important. It can be public demonstration of affection like holding hands in public, laying your head on your partner ’s shoulder, hugs, kisses,etc Now let's see how to know your primary love language: Ask yourself these 3 questions:
At the end of the book there is a questionnaire which can help you to discover what your primary love language is. But here is the fastest way, take a test online: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/couples-quiz/ https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/singles-quiz/ All in all, 5 Love languages is a very simple and informative read. Even though it was primarily written for married couples, it can have a great impact on all of your relationships, be it with your coworkers, friends, parents or siblings. It has many versions: men edition, singles , infants and adolescents editions. Techniques in the book are understandable and practical, to my opinion everyone should read it. I hope this review finds useful. see you next Monday
6 Comments
Sammy
6/8/2020 09:19:22
Passionate & Compassionate!
Reply
Hoza
6/8/2020 10:06:07
Keep blessing our knowledge sis
Reply
A
6/9/2020 00:32:34
Just don't stop 😍👍
Reply
Enock Ndikubwimana
6/9/2020 11:07:40
Good summary keep yr blog active to help many in need of that kind of story
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
Who's behind the blogHello I am Denyse INEZA
My blog's name "ishyapluma" is made of two words ishya and pluma. Ishya from my mother tongue(kinyarwanda)means prosperity and pluma is a Spanish word for pen. Being very introverted, I started blogging because I was so inside my head and I needed a way to get out of it. later on it became a way of reaching out to my audience. I now write to influence, to inspire and to give hope for a prosperous future to me as well as to everyone reading this blog. I write to heal. Welcome to Ishyapluma! Contact: +250784266072 Archives
June 2021
Categories |